
Oh, LAX. How I got to know you so well these past few days. How you need a renovation. How you need new paint, new carpet and, for the love of god, some TVs. You also need to kick out Continental Airlines, the source of all my holiday woes.
Hmm. How can I make this long story short? It's so absurd it was liking being lost inside the movie "Planes, Trains and Automobiles." Only we didn't make it past the plane stage and we never met John Candy.
After being bumped off our flight at 6:45 a.m. because it was overbooked, we stood in the longest short line ever, all so we could see the all-knowing "missed flights" person. Note I said person, not people. The airline, in all its infinite wisdom, decided to bump people from flights knowing that a single person was behind the re-booking desk. More than an hour later, we have standby tickets.
The next nine hours goes as follows: Stand by gate, wait till flight has boarded, pathetically wait for announcement that the plane is full, go to the next flight at Gate X, flag down a rep and ask the same question over and over (Can you get us confirmed seats on any flight this week? No.) We did this seven times. Us and at least three pages' worth of standbys.
After the seventh time, the answer to our question suddenly changed to yes. "Yes, I can get you confirmed seats on a flight tomorrow, putting you in your destination city at 11 p.m.," kind airline rep said. Rejoice!
Turns out kind airline rep was a liar. When we went online to check in, the connecting flight was a mess. We were scheduled to land in Houston at 7:45 p.m. and simultaneously to leave Houston at 6 p.m. I shit you not. An hour of arguing with the airline on the phone later, we have confirmed seats on the red-eye to Houston, which leaves at 1:20 a.m. Or does it?
The airline "lost" the flight crew. I do not know how this happens, but it resulted in a three-hour delay, during which I saw at least a hundred people lose their cool and freak out about missing their connections. After finally boarding the plane, the flight attendant calls out our names and asks us to push the call button.
"Oh hell no," I thought. "If they try to bump us from this flight, they will have to pry me out of this seat because I will hold on with my kung fu grip till the end of time." I prepared to fight for my rights for the umpteenth time. Turns out our luck finally changed: We were upgraded to first class. (I have heard about this happening to people before, but I always thought it was as mythical as Santa Claus.)
And, 36 hours after our journey began, it ended on Christmas Eve back home with Dad, where we drank beer, laughed and exchanged gifts by a warmly lit tree.
Moral of the story (isn't there always one?): If your holiday doesn't go as planned, it could always be worse. You could be sleeping on the cold, scary floor at LAX or flying Continental Airlines. And if you are one of those unlucky souls still scrambling for a flight, my heart goes out to you. I hope Santa brings you a private jet.