Deanna of Delirious Rhapsody keeps it real

Hi! I'm Deanna from Delirious Rhapsody.

I started my blog when I was pregnant with my second son, mostly as a way to keep in touch with my mother in law who lives across the country, and it just took off from there. I'm married to my wonderful husband, Peppy, and a stay at home mom of two little boys, Gage who will be 4 in July, and Owsley who is 5 months. I definitely find humor in parenting, and a lot of what I blog about are the funny happenings in my life. But it's not all rainbows and unicorns. I try to be real, and I don't sugarcoat life.







Pregnancy and motherhood can be embarrassing at times. No one ever tells you about any of the 'real' stuff. During my first pregnancy, I often joked with my husband that after Gage was born I wouldn't have an ounce of shame left in me. And it's true. Once so many people have seen your goods spread eagle, there isn't any turning back. You just don't care anymore. By the time labor and delivery is over it doesn't really matter that one of the nurses has to manually roll you over (because your epidural is still kicking and you can't move your legs yourself) to check and see if your hemorrhoids have deflated.

When I was at the 'pushing point,' during my oldest son's delivery, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Anyway, the doctor told me to push, and I did. I pushed so hard that I farted right in her face. She looked back up at me and said, "That's great! Those are the EXACT muscles you should be using!" Hey, at least she was being supportive. No one tells you that you feel like the baby will be coming out of your anus. (Why doesn't anyone ever mention that!?!) So I'm here today to tell you some of the things I wish I would have been told while I was pregnant or during early postpartum.

Farting. You will fart throughout your entire pregnancy, and most of the time you can't even tell they are coming.You will cough and fart. Sneeze and fart. Laugh and fart. Just be sitting on the couch, ripping up a storm. And these are not petite little ones either. They are rauchy, bean burrito at Taco Bell, truckstop farts. And sometimes silent and deadly ones. Oh, and bless you if you're taking iron supplements, because the smell of your gas could knock out an entire army. If your significant other can make it through 9 months of horrible gas, you know they really love you.

Hair grows in mysterious places. Ok, so you're pregnant. You should be feeling more womanly than ever, right? Wrong. My stomach got extremely hairy, we're talking wilder-beast here. And I've known some gals who's faces mysteriously got hairy. Where is this 'glow' everyone talks about? Oh, you just can't see it through the beard.

Hormones, Hormones, Hormones! This is another one of those things that I always thought was exaggerated by someone who had 'been there, done that.' But oh, pregnancy hormones are there, and in full force! One minute you'll be laughing, the next you'll be crying. Everything will make you cry, from deodorant commercials, to jingles on the radio. And you won't really know why. You'll get angry for no reason, and want to sob if someone looks at you the wrong way. And I hate to say it, but it only gets worse for the first 6 weeks or so after the baby arrives. Hopefully your partner will be understanding and will try not to take it too personally.

Sex (or the lack thereof). What a great time to be with your partner! You're already pregnant, so there's no worry about a slip up! That is, if you actually want to be touched. I read so many books and magazines that said my libido would be through the roof. I didn't even want Peppy to look in my direction. Sex? Ugh. Gag me.

You WILL have crazy dreams. I generally have some pretty wild dreams, but nothing prepared me for these. I dreamed that I gave birth to half shark/half human babies. I dreamed that giant pregnant gnomes had taken over the world. I even had lesbian dreams, and I am 100% heterosexual. Don't try to chalk your dreams up to your subconscious or you'll just drive yourself crazy.

Sneeze and leak. I didn't have this problem during my first pregnancy, but the second time around it came out with a vengeance! I remember one day in particular that I was outside playing with Gage. I sneezed and peed all over myself. But Gage understood. He said, "Don't worry! It was just an accident. We don't have to tell daddy." Thanks Gage! There were also the handful of times that we weren't at home and I had this problem. Panty liners can be a pregnant gals best friend.

Breastfeeding hurts. It does. I'm not going to lie to you. I assumed it would be so easy, since your body is naturally equipped to nurse your child. The baby latches on immediately after birth and does great for the continuation of your stay in the hospital. You are so excited because you're a natural at this! Then you come home, your milk comes in, your breasts become so engorged that your little one can't even latch on. That's when the fun really begins. There is a 3 or 4 day span after you come from the hospital that is SO frustrating. I really had to work hard not to give up with Gage. I had the same engorged/latching issues with Owsley, but at least I knew what to expect this time. Then if you can make it to about three weeks, it's a breeze.

Bleeding. Ok, so you haven't had a period for nine months, how nice. Now you're blessed with up to six weeks of bleeding. And those first few weeks are major gushers, to the point you think you might be dying. Especially if you're breastfeeding. Every time your kiddo latches on, your uterus contracts, and your body spews out more. Be prepared.

It's normal to be paranoid. I can't tell you how many times I checked Gage while he was sleeping to make sure he was breathing. And it hasn't gotten much better with Owsley. The first time they slept through the night I woke up that morning and raced into their rooms, making sure they were ok. I've woken my babies from many peaceful slumbers by poking them awake.

There are moments you won't enjoy being a mom. That's ok. It doesn't make you any less of a mom. There are times I want to throw my kids in front of a train. Of course I never will, but they have driven me to the point of thinking some pretty bad things. Just take a deep breath and calm down. Tomorrow will be better!

I hope this gave some of you a newer incite into being pregnant. But it's not all bad. Watching your pregnant body grow is a beautiful thing. Happy Mother's Day everyone!