16.5.12

Four Years Later

Alexa has been calling for her Daddy all the time. It's giving me a complex how she won't say "Mommy" or "Mama" or "Hey You." Tonight when I walked through the door after a long day at work, she was cuddling with Daddy and wanted nothing to do with me. And I mean nothing. She screamed and thrashed her head when I tried to hug her.

It's times like these when I really want my Mommy.

Me and Mom 2005
Me and Mom, 2005

I want to tell her I'm sorry if I ever did the same thing to her when I was a baby, if she ever felt sad when I didn't return her unconditional hugs and love. That all of those threats of "just you wait" have come to fruition, even though I know they're just starting and oh my god I can't even imagine what the teenage years will bring because if what goes around comes around I'm in for an awful treat. Or trick.

I want to tell her how I understand now exactly how much she loved me. How I couldn't fully fathom the extent of her feelings for me until I was a mom myself. I want to call her and complain or gush about Alexa or just hear her voice, for crying out loud.

Four years later and I want my Mommy every single day.
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15 comments :

  1. Oh Vanessa, I just want to hug you. 

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  2. Beautifully said. That choked me up a little bit.

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  4. Thinking of you, Chad and Ron today, Nessa.   We all miss her!!  Love ya!

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  5. This post has brought tears to my eyes as today would have been my Mum's 65 th birthday. She died four years ago and never met my two year old daughter. I am thinking of you Nessa, especially as my Scarlett is a total Daddy's girl too.

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  6. Well, I don't know if it will make you feel better....but you were sort of a Daddy's girl yourself as I recall.  Daddy's little princess Mom used to say...! 
    I am sending you all the love I have and I know she is looking down and doing the same.  Like Deanna said...great, big internet hug for you.  I love you.

    Dad

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  7. I do remember being a Daddy's Girl. I followed you everywhere and always wanted to go where you were going.

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  8. Hugs, Claire. We're in this together.

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  9.  Love you, too. Miss you bunches.

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  10.  Thanks, Deanna. That was much needed. Whew.

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  11.  Thanks, Stephanie. I hestitated before posting this because I didn't want to be a downer, but then I thought ... screw it, this is how I feel right now.

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  12.  Internet hug accepted and returned. :-)

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  13. This photo made me cry, these words made me cry even more.  Thank you for sharing such a real and beautiful post.  You are truly amazing and Alexa is so lucky to have you.

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  14. Thanks, Liv. You are beyond sweet.

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  15. :( (((hugs))) 

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