Every time I hit publish, there's that nagging feeling. Will anyone comment on this post besides my dad (love you, Dad!)? Will anyone even read it? I feel like I'm back in junior high again, putting up posters for student government and hoping to win. At the very least hoping one person votes for me.
And, gulp*, if there are two posts in a row with big goose eggs for comments, the self-doubt starts rearing its head. Am I annoying? Am I a bad writer? Am I bland? Bland! Perhaps the worst thing to be, like dry toast that makes you choke. Me, bland. Could it be true?
I know what you're going to say. You're going to say I'm supposed to be writing for me. This blog is just a record of my life. Just a repository for memories and photos and random thoughts about design and pop culture. Why would I need anyone to comment on it?
And there's the rub. Because I do crave it. I crave starting a conversation through my writing, even something as personal as this blog. Maybe I hold back. Maybe I don't share enough, or nothing interesting enough. Maybe I am not responding correctly to the few people who do read my blog regularly (thank you). I reply to each comment, but are you seeing my replies? Should I email instead?
Or maybe you are reading and not saying anything. My blog is like window shopping in a crowded mall to you; you're just not seeing anything worth trying on.
I read a post about blogger jealousy that Elizabeth wrote on E Tells Tales and my confession is this: I am jealous of everyone who makes it look easy, with comment sections that rival a short novel. So yes, I'm jealous of Elizabeth!
I hate that I'm jealous. It's not my style.
It's just that there aren't enough hours in the day to be worrying about the comments, about the community, about what I'm going to blog about. This isn't my day job. This isn't even a side job. This is mine, all mine, and I should be able to own it and not feel slighted when no one validates my efforts.
I should be able to. Maybe one day I will be able to.
I know this: The last thing I want to do is change my content drastically just to eek out a few insincere comments. Let me be clear about that. I just want to open the doors. I want to know who you are. Knock, knock. Who's there? What are you thinking? Are you there, readers? It's me, Vanessa.
Let's talk about it. How should our conversation continue: In the comments? Email? Or should I embrace the void and close the comments altogether?
If you blog, do you have similar thoughts? If you don't, what makes you comment vs. click away?
*I'm going to resist the urge to edit this post or delete it. Letting my freak flag fly here, folks.
i read your posts, but my internet time is so sporadic that most often all i have time to do is read. but i understand what you mean. sometimes i post things that i think are relevant (at least in my head they are) and then i don't get the feedback that i was hoping for.
ReplyDeleteI feel ya, girl. I get the exact same way when I don't get comments. It's like, am I doing something wrong?! WHY DO WE FEEL THIS WAY?!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Vanessa! Just wanted to let you know that I read your blog religiously. I think its great and I especially love to read about Alexa and her developmental milestones. I really dig your subject matter and the topics you touch upon and your writing is superb! I know you weren't fishing for compliments with this post but I thought I would let you know that I think you are doing a great job on this blog in case you were wondering :)
ReplyDeleteI suspect that most people, like me, are reading your blog through google reader, which doesn't make commenting easy at all! But I am here and reading, so please don't go away.
ReplyDeleteI read every single one of your blog posts. I don't leave comments because my blogger doesn't automatically log me in. :) But I hardly ever get comments on my blog. When I do I email them responses so they don't have to come back to my blog to see if I wrote something back.
ReplyDeleteI started my blog to help anyone else dealing with infertility, adoption, or fostering. But mostly I write so I can look back and remember my life. I have a horrible memory and am so grateful that I have this.
If you want to follow along in our journey it's addingmembers.blogspot. c o m
Oh girl, I get it! Even though I usually get at least a couple comments on every post, I get a huge knot in my stomach every time I publish a new one. I don't know why. I'm not trying to be a big-time blogger (although, I do think it would be nice to get paid for my random ramblings!). I just want an outlet. But I also want to be liked. And to me, comments seem to equal being liked.
ReplyDeleteBut I know that's not entirely true. Because I've read blog posts before that I loved, but never commented on. Maybe I didn't have time or I didn't feel like anything I was going to say would bring much to the conversation. There are lots of reasons people don't comment, and most of them have nothing to do with whether or not the person likes you or what you had to say.
But still, comments are awesome. And I don't think it's wrong to want them. I'd say, especially for posts where the subject matter is more personal, do what you did on this blog post. You called your readers to action by asking a question. You indicated you wanted us to engage with you. It gave us all a reason to comment, when we might not have thought of something to say on our own.
As a disqus user, I am always able to see when you have responded. Works for me, dude!
ReplyDeleteAnd as a blogger, I fade in and out of caring about comments. I agree with Deanna about sometimes posting something that's relevant to me, but not getting the response I was expecting. The best thing for me is that there are a lot of people I tangentially know who will tell me that they enjoyed something I wrote, but they say it in person. Like, when I am at a friend's party and the person I barely know is like, "Oh, I loved your blog entry about blahblahblah." I always tell them to leave me a comment telling me that they liked it, but they rarely do.
This post was great, and I'm glad to see there are a number of comments already! It resonates!
ReplyDeleteYou've got to please yourself. What you do with your comments will change depending on who you are at the time. If you follow your heart, your readers will follow you. If readers don't like how you change, they'll go away and new ones will take their place. That's okay.
Did you know that once upon a time I closed my comments down? It was right before Blogger debuted threaded commenting, and responding to comments was sucking my life away. I had a few readers get mad at me--they said I took their voice away, they said they were used to reading the comments to find new blogs to read. I got that.
Once threaded comments came out, I opened them back up, and someone else got mad at me because she liked it better without comments. She said she felt all this pressure to say something really great because sometimes I responded to her and sometimes I didn't.
Basically, you can't please everybody, so do what you want. Blog how you want. Comment how you want. Respond how you want. If people like it, they will stick around.
I think it's great that you asked your readers to say hello. I hope that breaks the ice and opens the conversation!
It's funny because I feel the same way (and I get a big NADA on my blog, hence why I keep changing it up) and yet I'm too insecure to comment about 95% of the time when I read blogs. It's such a hard cycle to break!
ReplyDeleteYou know, this is a super valid point. I can't exactly expect everyone to stop what they're doing to comment on my blog if I'm guilty of clicking away often, too. I could be a better blog friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elizabeth. I'm glad you stopped by ... I was really nervous this post would come across whiny, but I think most of us bloggers struggle with comments (giving and receiving) a lot of the time.
ReplyDeleteI love the threaded comments (I switched over to Disqus before Blogger started doing them; I wonder whether I should switch back). It's nice to get that automated email when a blogger responds to your comment. It's still a mystery to me when someone comments anonymously, though. Should I email or reply in the thread for other readers to read? Maybe both?
I'm looking forward to fostering more conversations over here. God knows I don't want to be the blogger who receives a million "SUPER CUTE XOXO FOLLOW ME BACK" kinds of comments.
Isn't it funny how that works? I know a few people in real life (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) who never leave comments but tell me they read. I think that gets at the heart of what I'm writing about: I don't necessarily want comments just to tally them up (oh, I received XX number of responses) but more to know exactly who is reading. I want to become friends (if we aren't already).
ReplyDelete^^ EVERYTHING YOU SAID ^^
ReplyDeleteI used to do a call to action more often, but then I would feel lame if no one acted. LOL. But that is a bad reason to stop. I think some of the point of being a writer is to engage, and I shouldn't expect people to engage if I don't invite them.
Such an awesome comment. Thanks.
Thanks for saying hello! Now I have a new blog to check out. I love how this works. See everyone, don't be shy.
ReplyDeleteWhat a relief! I also scroll through Google Reader without clicking out to the blog, so I totally understand.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I keep all my replies in the same place. Even if I were to email some people, how would other commenters know that was my thing? Maybe they would assume that I just wasn't talking back? But sometimes I do email, when it feels right.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I'm blushing over here, but I will never turn down a compliment, so keep 'em coming. Just joking.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for saying hello. I remember you from previous comments. Don't you have a son named Jude? (See, I remember each and every Beatles reference!)
Exactly. I will even whimper a little and say, "Where is everybody?" to H. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm insane to care.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know I'm reading your blog. I need to start leaving comments! Stat.
Deanna. You know I love you.
ReplyDeleteI also love your Topical Tuesdays. I thought about being un-clever and stealing your idea, but you come up with such great topics. I could never follow your class act.
I read every single one of your posts. And I love them. Your blog is the best kind of blog to me: it is well written, contains beautiful photos, is aesthetically pleasing in a very clean, organized fashion, and shows me a sincere glimpse into your life. You don't stuff it with reviews and giveaways and follow me follow me bullshit. It's just YOU, and I get that from this space.
ReplyDeleteI am actually a terrible commentor of blogs. I prefer to sit back and read silently on most of the 200-something blogs I follow. There are only a handful I feel comfortable enough to comment on, yours being one. Sometimes I just feel really shy, sometimes I know that I will just get lost in a sea of other comments. It's silly, really. Like old high school insecurities all over again.
Since the accident, I have had a huge amount of comments and emails and support and love from people I never even knew read my blog. People told me they've been following since the beginning but just never commented before. It was a nice feeling: to know that there are people out there silently cheering us on. Not always commenting and putting their mark on the place, but sitting behind their screens and wishing us well nonetheless.
Keep being you, my friend, because you are pretty damn awesome.
I don't think you're bland! I love looking at pictures of you and Alexa and seeing what you guys are up to. I know what you mean, though. Sometimes it feels like a vacuum, but I know there are more people out there reading than who comment. Stick with it! :)
ReplyDeleteI love your blog! The content is great. This pictures are both creative and real to daily life. I also like to get a glimpse of your point of view! Don't get down about the comments!
ReplyDelete...easier said than done, I am sure! :)
ReplyDeleteSee, you get me Liv. <3
ReplyDeleteI love your comments, they always make me smile. And I love your blog and your optimistic view on life. Every time I see you've updated I eagerly click on your name in Google Reader.
That idea of people silently cheering you on -- THAT. That is how I usually operate in the blog world, not caring about the comments. But sometimes I want to break down the barriers and see the faces of those who enjoy this space. I want to say, "Hi! How you doin'?" I hope that's what comes across in this post, and that it doesn't just sound insecure or like a plea for *more* comments.
Thanks, Laura. Psst, we should meet up soon. Playdate?
ReplyDeleteHi Jennie! Thanks for reading and for the lovely compliments.
ReplyDeleteNot insecure at all. Your post resonates with most of us, I'm sure. I read blogs where each and every post has like 50 comments each and I really sit back and wonder: what the heck? How do they do it? But then I have to wonder: how much quality is in those comments? Are these people actually trying to reach out and form relationships or are they just trying to get their name out there by commenting on as many blogs as possible? It's a "quality not quantity" thing I guess. I love that this post is getting such an awesome dialogue going. The silent cheerleaders are coming out and that must be an amazing feeling!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I have never read your blog before and happened upon it by blog-hopping around. I just wanted to say...I have similar feelings about blogging...and if it makes you feel better, I NEVER get comments. Like, seriously, if I get one comment on a post now and then, it makes my day. I blog for me, but I also blog because I like reading blogs and I feel like they are a way for me to connect with this great outside world of which I feel so incredibly lost in. I am a stay at home mom who has moved halfway across the country and feels very lost in my somewhat friendless world. Blogging is my way of documenting my life, though really somewhat bland, and also a way for me to connect with other people...although that is something that I really haven't done very well at.
ReplyDeleteHA! You're good! Yes, my son Jude is about 1 month younger then Alexa...so its good to know whats coming up when I read your baby talk posts! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm really enjoying the interaction! I think this post stemmed from me feeling like my blog was a stagnant place, and I wanted it to be more dynamic. Fingers crossed I can keep the energy going forward. :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Krista! Thanks for stopping by and saying hello. It's nice to meet you. I know where you're coming from with the moving -- after college I moved halfway across the country and then a few years later, I moved to the opposite coast. It can be lonely when you're still trying to make new friends but you also want to keep in touch with your friends and family from the places you left. Hope you hang around; I'm going to come to your blog and say hello, too. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you thank you thank you for writing this. I feel this way EVERY. SINGLE. POST. I don't what the answer is, but I do know that even though we rarely get more than 3 or 4 comments I feel more connected in this space than many others in my life. I've loved getting to know you through this space and hope you continue to share here for a long time to come :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Brianne. I am very grateful to have met you via our blogs. You are awesome! And when I see The Ravenna Girls have an update you know I'm reading first thing. Psst, I surmised from Twitter that you're engaged?! Congrats! Are you going to share more on the blog? Is that why you want those Anthro shoes? Spill the beans, girl.
ReplyDeleteOh no girl...I am still reading and adoring you and tour posts. I just happen to be too lazy to comment. Must be a summer thing ;)
ReplyDeleteHi again. Just thinking, when you reply do you hit the "reply" button under the comment you are replying to? I know this is your blog...not trying to act like a know-it-all, but just wondering if your peeps know you repond to them.
Delete@Jen
DeleteWow, my blog had a moment of clarity and I'm able to respond to you. I'm going to monitor my comments closely for the next few weeks to see whether I should just uninstall Disqus. It's been acting up and "losing" comments that I'm able to see only in the Blogger comments sections.
I do respond to all comments on my blog, but like I wrote you earlier I'm trying to be better at emailing or visiting the reader's own blog if I don't think they'll be able to see my replies. Have you found that's what works for you?
My last job afforded me all sorts of time for blogging. My new one not so much. I currently read about five blogs regularly- yours is one. I don't really comment much anymore like I used to, but I still read. Blogging has taken a back seat for me for now. I think I've decided I really love writing- but hate Blogging!
ReplyDeleteBlogging can be a chore if you get wrapped up in the minutiae. I figured out that I really hated the call for sponsors and swapping ads. It was too much effort for too little payoff ... although I did enjoy the friends I made through my swap arrangements. Still. I'd much rather spend that time actually reading other blogs or reading a book in bed.
DeleteI really like your Project Life posts ... you inspire me to try it next year.