Sometimes I can hear the crickets chirping on this blog.
Every time I hit publish, there's that nagging feeling. Will anyone comment on this post besides my dad (love you, Dad!)? Will anyone even read it? I feel like I'm back in junior high again, putting up posters for student government and hoping to win. At the very least hoping one person votes for me.
And, gulp*, if there are two posts in a row with big goose eggs for comments, the self-doubt starts rearing its head. Am I annoying? Am I a bad writer? Am I bland? Bland! Perhaps the worst thing to be, like dry toast that makes you choke. Me, bland. Could it be true?
I know what you're going to say. You're going to say I'm supposed to be writing for me. This blog is just a record of my life. Just a repository for memories and photos and random thoughts about design and pop culture. Why would I need anyone to comment on it?
And there's the rub. Because I do crave it. I crave starting a conversation through my writing, even something as personal as this blog. Maybe I hold back. Maybe I don't share enough, or nothing interesting enough. Maybe I am not responding correctly to the few people who do read my blog regularly (thank you). I reply to each comment, but are you seeing my replies? Should I email instead?
Or maybe you are reading and not saying anything. My blog is like window shopping in a crowded mall to you; you're just not seeing anything worth trying on.
I read a post about blogger jealousy that Elizabeth wrote on E Tells Tales and my confession is this: I am jealous of everyone who makes it look easy, with comment sections that rival a short novel. So yes, I'm jealous of Elizabeth!
I hate that I'm jealous. It's not my style.
It's just that there aren't enough hours in the day to be worrying about the comments, about the community, about what I'm going to blog about. This isn't my day job. This isn't even a side job. This is mine, all mine, and I should be able to own it and not feel slighted when no one validates my efforts.
I should be able to. Maybe one day I will be able to.
I know this: The last thing I want to do is change my content drastically just to eek out a few insincere comments. Let me be clear about that. I just want to open the doors. I want to know who you are. Knock, knock. Who's there? What are you thinking? Are you there, readers? It's me, Vanessa.
Let's talk about it. How should our conversation continue: In the comments? Email? Or should I embrace the void and close the comments altogether?
If you blog, do you have similar thoughts? If you don't, what makes you comment vs. click away?
*I'm going to resist the urge to edit this post or delete it. Letting my freak flag fly here, folks.